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Coping with a Tragedy
Tips to help your child deal with a tragic event
With the recent hurricane threat to
the Tampa Bay area, and surrounding devastation, special attention
must be paid to our children to help them cope and understand
what has happened. A tragedy is overwhelming for most adults,
so how can a child  deal
with the fears, grief and overall feelings that such a tragedy
evokes? Talk of evacuations, preparation of homes for the
storm and the frightening scenes of damage on TV news can
be very disturbing to children.
How to help your child cope and understand
such a tragic event depends on your child's age. For younger
children, especially toddlers and preschool age children,
it may be best to just insulate your child from the events.
Turn off the television or restrict access to channels with
news coverage. Many pictures on TV are too graphic for younger
children. Even older children should not be allowed to watch
news coverage of a disaster by themselves. Instead, allow
older children to watch a limited amout of television coverage
while accompanied by an adult who can talk about what has
happened with the child.
If your younger child has a question,
you shouldn't ignore it though. Instead, provide age appropriate
and limited facts. If you think your child wants more details,
consider asking a follow up question or wait for him to ask
additional questions.
Of course, if the child lost someone
in the tragedy or was a direct witness, then simply ignoring
the tragedy wouldn't be appropriate. In this case, you will
have to have more detailed, but still age appropriate, talks
with your child. You will also likely have to reassure him
that he is safe now.
Younger children also often have 'magical
thinking' and may believe that they did something to cause
the event. Make sure your child understands that he didn't
do anything to cause what happened. Younger children also
have a hard time telling the difference between fantasy and
reality and may not understand that the 'news' is real.
 Remember
that talking about the event will not itself cause problems.
It is important that your child feels like he has the ability
to talk about his fears and worries if he wants to.
While older children will likely have
more questions and may want to talk about the 'reasons' for
what happened, you shouldn't assume that your child wants
a lot of details. It is usually better to find out what your
child already knows about the event, ask open-ended questions
and follow your child's cues to see how much he wants to talk.
If your child doesn't seem to want to talk, you can just offer
a simple explanation of what happened and ask if he has any
questions or ask a follow up question later.
In general, some tips on dealing with
your child's fears include:
- Respect your child's feelings and
fears. It is not helpful to use put downs, such as 'your
being a baby for being afraid of that,' or to try and ignore
the things that he is afraid of.
- Ask him why he is afraid and then
talk about it. This can be especially helpful if there was
a triggering event.
- Don't be overprotective and let him
avoid all of the things that he is afraid of, but you also
don't want to try and force your child into doing something
he is afraid to do.
- Don't overreact, so that your extra
attention reinforces your child's reactions.
- Give your child support as he learns
to master his fears. For example, if your child is afraid
of starting a new school, you should be empathetic by saying
things like 'I know you are scared of starting a new school
and you are probably worried about making new friends, but
I think you will feel much better once you get started'
and talk to him about the things that he is afraid of. Remind
him that he has always made friends before and provide encouragement
once he starts school. It may also be helpful to model or
role play how to go up to and introduce himself to new people.
- Remind him of other things or times
in the past that he was afraid of, and for which he is no
longer has fears.
- Again, reassure and comfort your child
as you help him to face his fears. In the long run, it is
also not helpful to teach your child that it is alright
to avoid everything that he is afraid of.
After the event, stick to your child's
usual schedule and routines as much as possible. It may also
be helpful to allow your child to 'do something' to help victims
or their families, which can include donating part of their
allowance to the American Red Cross or other relief agencies,
lighting a candle, saying a prayer, or going to a church service
or prayer group.
Symptoms to watch for that may indicate
that your child is having problems, including posttraumatic
stress disorder, and needs additional, or even professional,
help include any changes in your child's temperament or personality,
such as being more quite, fearful, anxious, etc., bedwetting,
having nightmares, behavioral problems and fighting, loss
of appetite, trouble sleeping and physical complaints, such
as headaches and stomach-aches.
Although it is not really possible to
totally prepare your child to deal with such a tragedy, the
best way to help your child and give him the resources to
cope with such a traumatic event is to provide him with a
safe, supportive and loving home environment.
Also keep in mind that your child will
take many cues from how you yourself deal with such a stressful
situation. If you are overly anxious or afraid, or take the
opposite approach and hide your feelings, then your child
will likely do the same. Remember, that as in most other things,
you are a role model for your children.
Excerpt
from pediatrics.about.com
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