Repetition as Discipline
Oops! Give me ten!

“Get your elbows off the table!”
“Don’t talk with your mouth full!”
“Sit up straight!”
“Don’t wipe your mouth on your sleeve!”
“How many times do I have to tell you?!”
“Don’t, Don’t, Don’t, Don’t, Don’t!”

Sound familiar? How many times as a child did you hear these commands at the dinner table? Did you listen the first time? Did you listen after the fifth time?

Let’s be honest, you’d probably have to answer “no” to both questions. So, how do we teach our children all those “rules”?

I have found the “secret answer” to the question posed above.

The proven method for teaching these skills is: repetition as discipline!

Let me share a personal story that illustrates this method of teaching manners from the days when my identical twin sons, Boyce and Chad, were still under my wing.

One night six-year-old Boyce put the last bit of macaroni and cheese in his mouth at the supper table. He jumped up from the table and headed to the playroom to finish his latest Lego® creation.

I said, “Now, wait a minute. Didn’t you forget something? Remember what we do before we leave the table? Back up and give me ten.”

Stomping his foot as he stopped in the doorway, he replied, “Awwwwww, Mom.”

He returned to the table with a scowl across his face to finish his dinner the proper way—ten times!!!

Holding his dinner plate, he asked, “May I be excused, please?”

I replied, “Yes, you may.”

He stood up with dishes in hand, walked to the sink and placed them in the basin. Sighing, he reached in and picked them up again, and then turning with an exasperated huff, returned to the table and sat down.

He began again, “May I please be……”

Again, I replied, “Yes, you may.”

By the third request, his Dad, brother and I began to giggle. Soon Boyce’s scowl became a sheepish grin, and he broke into boisterous laughter.

By the tenth repetition, I could barely stammer, “Yes, you may.” The whole family was in stitches.

The lesson learned from this silly event has never been forgotten by anyone at the table that night.

I know this method takes time and patience on the part of the adult in charge in the short run, but as you can see, this exercise is an effective way to discipline that’s fun, too. Remember the goal of discipline is not to punish, but to change an inappropriate behavior.

Let me give you an encouragement…

In the long run this method of discipline saves time, energy and heartache. If you are willing to stand by the “give me ten” rule with gentle firmness, you can change an unwanted behavior in only a few attempts. Rarely have I ever known of an instance when a parent had to repeat the same exercise more than three times to change a bad habit or instill a good one. .

By the way, how many times do you think I had to remind Boyce to say; “May I be excused, please” after that night?

You’re right, never again.

Two weeks later, Chad, on the other hand, had to learn this lesson for himself. Just as all children do!

Jill Rigby , author of Raising Respectful Children in a Disrespectful World (Howard Books/Simon & Schuster) is an accomplished speaker, columnist, television personality, family advocate and founder of Manners of the Heart Community Fund, a non-profit organization bringing a return of civility and respect to our society. Whether equipping parents to raise responsible children, encouraging the education of the heart, or training executives in effective communication skills, Jill’s definition of manners remains the same—an attitude of the heart that is self-giving, not self-serving. She is the proud mother of twin sons who testify to her contagious passion.