Parenting Shy Children
Ways to ease your child's shyness

Many children outgrow shyness with time, but for those that carry shyness forward into adulthood, life becomes one series of missed opportunities after another.  Anything you can do to ease your child's shyness will, in turn, decrease the number of opportunities your child misses over the course of his/her life. 

Identify the nature of your child's shyness.  Is your child shy in groups? At parties? With new people? With familiar people? Everywhere?

Role model confident social behavior. Children learn by watching the people around them, especially their parents! In front of your child, practice greeting other people, being friendly, complimenting others, being helpful, expressing how you feel when you do these things.

Teach social skills early.  Arrange playdates when they are young, help them understand how to make friends, practice social skills at home, make a game of practicing social skills outside your home.

Emphasize creative problem-solving. One of the most important things you can teach your children is that failure provides the feedback we need to become good at the things we choose to do. The goal is to teach your children to think creatively and to understand there is more than one way to be successful.  The hope is that by teaching creativity and the ability to learn from feedback, your children will become more self-confident and better able to both deal with and learn from disappointment.

Encourage step by step change.  The surest way to help your child overcome shyness is to break things down into small enough steps so your child succeeds most of the time and fails some of the time.Help your child see that life is process of steps (and risks) of one size our another that---over time---lead to success.  Your job as a parent is to monitor and periodically adjust those steps to determine the size that's best for your child.   And, if as a parent you do a really good job, you may find that, with practice, your child is able to raise the size of his/her steps to higher and higher levels.

Help your child identify talents and hobbies that make him/her feel special. Encourage your children to develop passions early in life.  Even if they don't like the first few things they try, the journey will make them richer for the experience.  Just know that the more things your children do in life, the more things they will have to share with other people and the easier it will be for them to connect. 

Help your child learn to manage his/her emotions. Help your children understand that "feelings" like "failures" are something to learn from.  They're signals that, like traffic lights, direct our lives.  When they're green our feelings are good and it's business as usual.  When they're yellow, we may be feeling a bit shaky.  It's best to slow down and proceed with caution.  But should they turn red, it's a sign that something isn't working and it's simply a matter of stopping and rethinking what we're doing to come up with a better plan. Encourage your child to feel what s/he feels.  Never tell your child it's wrong to cry or that s/he's not feeling what s/he's feeling.  Teach your child to know his/her emotions, accept them as natural, know that hurt doesn't last forever and that with time they, too, can learn the skills to cope. 

Teach tolerance and respect for others. Modeling tolerance and respect for others, despite their shortcomings, teaches children that people don't have to be perfect to be worthwhile. 

Understand when is labeling your child as shy is a good thing and when is it a bad thing.
The key to successfully labeling your child as shy is to:

• always pair the term shyness with something positive;
• avoid using shyness as an excuse for your child's behavior which takes your child off the hook for trying;
• truly believe in your child's inherent self-worth, seek out opportunities to foster his/her strengths and reward your child's efforts to grow.

When not to label you child as shy:

• If you believe that shyness makes a child fundamentally inferior to other children.
• If you have reason to believe that putting a positive spin on your child's shyness won't change other people's view of your child's shyness or your child's view of him/herself.
• If you believe that people will misuse the information.
• If your child is using his/her shyness as an excuse for not trying.

Seek qualified professional help as necessary. While many children outgrow their shyness, many others carry it forward with them into adulthood.  If your child is struggling---particularly if your child is challenged by a non-verbal learning disability or if you have a history of anxiety disorders, depression or substance abuse in your family---consider getting professional help.  The right support can help your child's shyness become just one small blip in the course of his/her development.  In many cases, it will be fine to start your search for help by surfing the web, reading books, talking with other parents of shy children and/or taking classes.  But should these avenues fail or should you want more immediate help for your child, it's best to consult a qualified professional who has expertise and is familiar with resources in this area.

Source: www.shakeyourshyness.com