When Your Child Hates Their Camp Counselor
By Dr. Susan Bartell

From the Mar/Apr 2007 issue of The ParentGuide^®

What do you do when your usually smiling and happy-faced daughter gets off the camp bus at the end of the day and tells you she hates her counselor? “She yells all the time, and she doesn’t talk to us!” Or when your son announces, “I wish I was in Evan’s group. His counselor is much better than mine; he plays with the kids and is nice to them.”

After hearing similar comments for a couple of days, you decide that it’s time to do something—but what should you do?

First, you need to get as much specific information as possible from your child about what he or she dislikes about the counselor. This will be important information to have when you call camp to discuss your concerns. In some cases, you will find that this process will help you discover that the problem isn’t with the counselor at all, but rather that your child is having trouble in some other arena—perhaps social, or maybe adjusting to the camp environment—which is quite different from school or home and that disliking the counselor is a mask for this. This may still require a call to camp, but for a different reason than you anticipated.

If the conversation confirms that your child really is having a negative experience with the counselor, a call to camp is immediately warranted. Camps do their best to screen counselors, but since counselors are typically high school or college-age youngsters with a wide range of experience working with children, it’s possible that your child’s counselor doesn’t have all the skills to do the job well. In addition, sometimes counselors allow their own socializing with other counselors to take priority over focusing on the kids. This doesn’t mean they are bad counselors, but they may require greater supervision or help redirecting their focus.

Your first call to camp should not be to assume the counselor is at fault. It is best to speak to the counselor’s direct supervisor rather than the counselor or the director of the camp. Explain your concerns, using the concrete examples you’ve gleaned from your child. Be clear that you are calling to begin an investigation, NOT to make an accusation. Ask the supervisor what the next step will be. Within a day or two, the supervisor should get back to you after having observed the counselor’s interaction with the group and with your child. Since camp is only a few weeks in duration, it is fair to expect quick intervention and results, including positive feedback from your child and from the supervisor. If you don’t find the supervisor to be responsive, you should then call the camp director and lodge your complaint more forcefully at the next level. Unlike school, you are paying money for your child to have a positive, short-term, entertaining experience. You should expect to get your money’s worth. If it seems that the counselor does not improve, it is reasonable to expect that the camp will switch counselors or switch your child’s group.

Of course, it is possible that your initial call to camp will result in feedback that your child is misbehaving, not cooperating or otherwise requiring the counselor to act as a disciplinarian—which your child is interpreting as “mean” or “not nice.” Some children find the transition from school to the less structured environment of camp to be a challenge, evoking less than desirable behavior. In addition, since counselors are usually younger and less strict than teachers, kids may take advantage and misbehave. If this seems to be the case, you will need to stop blaming the counselor and encourage appropriate behavior at camp so that your child can have a better summer experience.

Dr. Susan Bartell is a nationally recognized psychologist and author specializing in the issues of children, teens and parents. Dr. Susan can be reached at www.girlsonlyweightloss.com.