Prescription for Calmer Holidays
Survival Tips!

Holiday "crunch time" has arrived and you're expected to… During the holidays, you're torn between pressure to complete preparations and pressure to please everyone-your children, your parents, in-laws, siblings, step-relatives and friends. Parents, more so than others in the family, continue to make demands.

Holidays themselves have no power. We bring the stress or joy, dread or excitement to them. And, too often we allow our parents and family to dictate how we spend them. What most adult children don't realize is that as grown ups they can be in charge and initiate change in matters that affect them, their partners, and their children.

Don't be afraid to enforce the plans you make to protect yourself. The rewards for reducing your stress and guilt will be happier holidays for everyone and a better, balanced relationship with parents and relatives throughout the year.

Here are specific strategies for dealing with both the minor annoyances and full-blown stressors that can ruin family get-togethers.

Holiday Survival Checklist

• Exercise your rights to protect your time, your marriage and your children - holiday stress usually comes from trying to fulfill the obligations and hopes of others. You have every right to put your health and the comfort of your spouse and children at the top of your list by not accepting added responsibilities.

• Alternate holidays with different branches of the family - you can't be in two places at once, so charting out what days will be spent where should save you some grief from those vying for your limited time.

• Change a long-held tradition if need be - spend the day or weekend before or after a holiday with one set of relatives so the time will be more relaxed and you won't be packing up just when everyone seems to have settled in.

• Be flexible in how you celebrate - try new, neutral locations, begin new rituals, and let go of old ones especially if they remind you of a parent's death or divorce.

• Explain the arrangements you plan to follow clearly and early to everyone involved - devise a realistic, comfortable schedule, inform your parents and relatives, and stick to it.

• Take breaks with your children when visiting family or having guests over. Holidays should include time for just your little group as well. A quick game of Candy Land, Chutes and Ladders, a walk or reading a book in the midst of the festivities makes children feel special.

• Decline some invitations if you can't fit in everybody and everything. Plan another, less pressured time to visit.

• Lower your expectations particularly if you are hosting the festivities - the purpose is to be together and have fun. The holidays should not be Martha Stewart entertaining contests.

• Spell out "do and don't rules" for your children and ask relatives to follow them-this will eliminate much unpleasantness and frustration for you.

• Remind grandparents calmly that you are the one left to undo the problems they create-you shouldn't have to deal with toddlers on a sugar rush before bed because Grandpa sneaked them sweets.

• Tell family members ahead of time what children might like as holiday gifts to avoid both child and giver disappointment.

• Caution: Children act on your stress and become over stimulated easily by the holiday rush. Remind people so they don't plan too many or too-late evening activities that will wear out both you and your children.

Source: www.womenof.com