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Be
Careful of Triangles
Avoiding unhealthy family behaviors
Triangles
in relationships often happen in family life. Conflict between
two people can become an invitation for another person to
join in. If parents aren't careful, and create triangles inappropriately,
people get hurt. But if triangles are used properly, they
become great opportunities for healing and learning. Here
are some examples to watch out for:
A child
who is unhappy with Dad's discipline may go to Mom and try
to get her involved. One child may complain to Dad that Mom's
not being fair. A child may go to Dad with a proposal to get
around Mom's instructions. Mom may not like the way Dad is
relating to his son. One child may tattle on another.
Become
a Coach or Counselor
Each of these situations represents an opportunity. Some advice
suggests that triangles are always wrong and warn not to get
involved. We don't believe that's the answer. Rather we suggest
you triangle in as a counselor or coach instead of a critic.
When you decide to triangle into a relationship, be careful.
You may be right, but being right is not enough. You also
need to be wise. Be careful about taking sides and creating
more division in the strained relationship. Instead, look
for ways to bring healing.
Handling
Tattlers
The key is to focus on the issues of the person who comes
to you. When Billy tattles on his brother by saying, "Mom,
Sam left the light on again," take time to talk to Billy
about how he should handle the situation. Maybe the right
thing is for Billy to go turn it off. Your role in the situation
is important because you work with the problem from the perspective
of the person who comes to you. Invariably, that person needs
help and guidance to know how to respond to the challenge.
Triangles
are opportunities for people to learn and grow. Identify them
and take advantage of them, but be careful not to get sucked
into conflict in unhealthy ways.
These
parenting tips come from the books and resources of Dr. Scott
Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.
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