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Make Room For Daddy
Tips for Moms - Letting Dad be Dad
 With
Father's Day just around the corner, families will be preparing
to celebrate the role of fathers in their lives. Our children
need dads as well as moms, however, a dad will love and parent
his children differently from a mom. These differences are
good, and children need both kinds of love as they grow up.
Men want to be good dads just as women want to be good moms.
With a little understanding of these concepts, we can influence
our children's father in powerful ways by "making room for
daddy."
When a child is born, a mother and father
are also born. Life as you know it changes instantly. Despite
all the preparation, childbirth classes and reading, the delivery
of a child marks the beginning of reality. A woman who carries
and delivers her child has had a unique nine months to prepare
physically and emotionally for the event of motherhood. Dad
hasn't had the same experience and his first really physical
and emotional connection with the baby is after the birth.
Fears and doubt about his new role as a father can be overwhelming.
Moms can help soothe these concerns by:
- Putting themselves in dad's shoes,
trying to feel his feelings and understand his doubts.
- Identify his doubts and talk about
them together.
- Encourage him to spend more time with
other dads, sharing stories and ideas about fatherhood.
- Ask for his opinion frequently which
will give him more confidence.
 Today's
expectations for dad's role with children is high. They are
faced with conflicts about how to meet the needs of their
children while carrying out their responsibilities at work.
We expect them to be both gentle and strong, tough and tender,
a part of the child's every activity, encouraging women's
development in the world, while growing themselves and still
bring home a salary that will finance the lifestyle we desire!
By adjusting both mom's and dad's expectations, we can free
them to be the kind of dads children need and to embrace a
role they will enjoy!
- Analyze expectations - do you expect
an ideal or real dad?
- Consider how you've come to balance
the pressure of numerous requirements on you as a mom, with
the reality of what you can deliver in real time. Share
this balance with your husband.
- Reflect on your own father's role.
How different are your expectations of your husband as a
father?
- Realize that the father of your children
is in process, searching for his own way through the maze
of models of fathering, ranging from non-involvement to
total involvement.
Dealing with differences between mom
and dad's parenting styles can be overcome. Instead of interfering
with your husband's fathering style when it is different from
mothering, inform and encourage him.
- Admit your own doubts and needs for
seeking to learn about parenting.
- Recognize his parenting accomplishments,
just as a manager would reward him for a job well done.
- Men understand work concepts and you'll
be communicating with him in a world he understands.
- Help him understand what to expect
developmentally of his child at their specific age.
- Also teach him to watch for and learn
about the unique personality characteristics of his child.
- Help your husband learn to listen
for his child's feelings.
- Encourage him to show his pride in
their accomplishments and character, and to demonstrate
his love through hugs and playtime.
- Affirming his efforts and encouraging
him will build his confidence expressed in fathering.
Remember, you have an enormous influence
on your husband's success as a dad. Fathering is something
sacred to be celebrated and encouraged. Our role as moms is
to help his effectiveness in the life of his child and let
dad be dad.
Excerpt from "Make Room for Daddy"
by Elisa Morgan & Carol Kuykendall of MOPS
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