How to Help Your Child Handle Peer Pressure

Do you remember your school days? Well if you do, you probably also remember the class bully, the class clown and above all, the school cliques. Well, nothing has changed, each school continues to house unique clusters of students who share similar interests, styles of dress and philosophical perspectives on how life should be.

You will still find the jocks, the geeks, the ghouls, the brains, and then of course, the "in crowd." There is always an in crowd. They're the students with the best clothes, the best home, and the best cars when in high school, and don't forget the prettiest or handsomest of all students. Yes, the same status system prevails in schools across America, now as in the past. The big difference today is that many students are more aggressive about how they treat anyone who might be different in any way, either within their social circle or across other social circles.

Bullying
The consequences of backing down from a challenge from more aggressive peers encourages greater at-risk behaviors many times, a hurtful confrontation. Kids who are not part of the "in crowd" quickly know it. They're chastised, ridiculed, set up, and perhaps the brunt of many jokes as they pass through the hallways at school. This over-bearing lash of comments is known as peer pressure. But of course, bullying is only one form of peer pressure.

Seeking Approval
Another, form of peer pressure that may be equally as debilitating if not more so, is that of peer pressure to remain in the in crowd, which can only be accomplished if you commit some normally undesirable act simply to impress the king pin of the group. These acts could be taking a dare, smoking pot for the first time, staying out later than parents approve, sleeping with your boyfriend or girlfriends before you were ready, and just about any other activity that pushes a young boy or girl into an uncomfortable zone that is out of character for him or her.

If the activity goes against your child's or your teen's personal belief, yet they do it anyway because they wanted someone's approval, then that activity could have long-term harmful effects on your child's self-esteem, as mild as the action may seem to an observant adult.

For example, when a younger child is coerced to walk away from the normally designated play area, or when a middle school child is coerced to try pot, or when your high school students is made to believe that if they haven't had sex yet they must be a total reject. While these scenarios are very real and can hold potentially serious adverse impact on your child's safety and overall welfare, they represent just three of a million other scenarios that your child may be faced with on a daily basis.

How to Prevent Unwanted Peer Pressure
By this time of year, school has been in session about three months. Typically students are anxious about starting school, but this anxiety heightens when a child has enrolled in a new school, was retained, moved to a new residence, or worse yet, when a child changes custody from one parent to another and must adjust to a whole new school system as well as new house rules.

To minimize the potential for your child to feel they must take that dare if they are to be accepted a parent can take some positive steps. Reinforce the fact that you:

• Care enough to listen, to know their friends and to watch over them with a caring and sensitive eye.
• Become aware of who is who in the social milieu of your child's school, whether it is preschool or high school the social dynamics are the same.

1. By all means take the time to acquaint yourself further with that child or teen.
2. Attend parent-teacher meetings and discuss your concerns with the hopes of gaining greater insight into the social circles at school.
3. Invite friends to the home on occasion to get to know who they are.
4. Spend casual time with your son or daughter and let this familiarization happen naturally. DO make time for casual relaxed conversations with your child or teen so that worries or concerned can be disclosed in safe and accepting atmosphere.
5. DO NOT expect any child or teen to divulge personal concerns when you only have a rare two-minute slot of time to question or even interrogate them, nor when they might fear rejection or ridicule for expressing their concerns.
6. Let your children be accustomed to private chats, family discussions or private quality time with you in a safe and accepting atmosphere.
7. DO NOT wait until a crisis hits and then ask why you didn't come to me, when in fact you were always too busy.