Sex in the 8th Grade -- Tween Sex Bracelets, the New Bomb of the Month!

If your child is in middle school, you may have focused your attention on the recent uproar about the 8th grade ‘sexual bracelets.’ If not, then you best get informed as soon as possible. Either way, if you were aware or unaware of the events that held media attention last month, you best read on.

Parenting pre-teens or ‘tweens’ can be as scary as parenting teenagers. Parents repeatedly emphasized problems with teens who believe they can independently choose their activities without parental consent and who take risks that would make parents ‘freak out.’ But never before were communities more alerted about sexual promiscuity in middle school children until a series of news stories erupted about ‘teen sex bracelets.’

Sex Bracelets in Florida
Florida schools made the news in October of 2003, when the Alachua Elementary school heard of the rumors of wearing sexual bracelets to allure a potential partner, administrators banned such bracelets; Marion County Schools Kindergarten thru eighth grade also banned use of the bracelets, but Florida did not stand alone. Ohio elementary schools also forbid use of the bracelets. Several states across the U.S. found newspaper articles on local middle school children who flaunted their sexual behaviors through symbolic plastic bracelets of different colors, or so the rumor goes.

What to Look For
Perhaps your child wears a plastic jelly bracelet that can be obtained in any novelty store or toy store. It’s seemingly harmless to most parents, but in truth, they hold a whole different meaning.

The color bracelet a girl wears in middle school indicates the typical sex act that she may perform to a potential beau. Boys easily scan the arms of female students to shop for a desired ‘sex act’ with each color specifying sex acts that could be had.

Color Codes Revealed
Rumors have it, that each color code may change in different schools, but for the most part, a typical code is as follows;
· Yellow gets hugs
· Purple signifies kissing
· Red signals a lap dance
· Blue means oral sex
· Black means full intercourse

Any female student who wears a certain color is alerting the male student body that she is available for specific activities if so desired, at her final choice of boys of course.

Sex Education Needed
Shocked? You should be. Although flirtatious behaviors are not foreign to middle school children, regardless of what generation we speak about. However, the aggressiveness and willingness to take greater risks was never as prominent as it is among the current generation of middle school age children. For years, school administrators and parent groups aligned about leaving sex education curriculum out of the school, with the overriding thought that it might corrupt the student body or encourage sexual promiscuity rather than enlighten youth about the perils of early experimentation.

In truth, a research project conducted by SIECUS, a sexual information collection and dissemination agency, only 4.7% of females report having sexual intercourse by age 13. However, during the high school years, numbers jump considerably as 42.9% females report having sexual intercourse.

Unfortunately, occasionally some misinformed parent who may even think early sexual encounters are ‘cute’ or prepare their child for adulthood. But nothing could be farther from the truth. In reality, early sexual promiscuity exposes a child, yes I said child, to many sources of physical and emotional harm.

Sexually Transmitted Diseases
Venereal diseases run rampart among young females age 15 to 19, with Chlamydia and Trichinosis, leading in symptoms, although Gonorrhea and Syphilis are also prominent today not to mention, life threatening HIV virus. If dealing with traditional STDs (Sexually Transmitted Diseases), symptoms go unnoticed, uncared for, or mother or child remain in denial, symptoms could escalate into a Pelvic Inflammatory Disease or PID, and consequently lead to possible surgical procedures or prolonged illness and eventually sterility. If PID develops, painful cramps, high fevers, and more systematic physical problems may occur throughout the body.

Unhealthy Relationships
Careless in sexual behaviors are more dangerous to health and welfare of young children than is often considered by active teens. Often during youth kids feel invincible, so they are prone to take greater risks, particularly under force of peer pressure. But besides the physical impact, the emotional aftermath can also be devastating. Often the sex act between females and males is bragged about throughout school, leaving one of the partners, usually the female to deal with the aftermath of rumors, comments and insults by ridiculing peers. Depression is often realized whenever a youngster is let down or ‘dumped’ by the ensuing ‘sex seeker.’ And eventually, with many broken heart aches and slighted feelings, females and males alike, may develop unhealthy perspectives as to just what intimate relationships involve, thus remain inept at forming healthy balanced adult intimate coupling later in life.

What’s a Parent to Do?
Thus, the consequences of premature sexual activity are far-reaching as well as immediate in negative consequences. But as bleak as all this may sound, do not despair. Not all pre teens or middle school children are sexually active, some do believe in abstinence.

A few suggestions are noted below along with recommendations for handling sexual matters with your child.

1. Do not remain in denial. Regardless of religious views or personal values practiced in the home, do not remain in denial. Sexual practices are over-exposed amongst middle school children through television and relaxed morals of modern day. So, stay open and remain willing to speak to your children. If personal discomfort with the topic prevents you from having that ‘birds and bees’ conversation, then, by all means, engage your doctor’s help or that of a trusted friend to do the job.

2. Encourage healthy sex education in your school district. Do adapt the concept that if you talk about it, it will open the door for more troubles. That is just another form of denial. Values are said to be formed by age 12, so if your child is going to participate, he or she will do so regardless of having well informed education about it or not.

3. Support the open discussion format with your children, and if necessary, solicit community resources for written materials and resources to help fill in the details.

4. Be assertive about expressing your views on the matter, along with establishing expected boundaries of behavior.

5. Monitor children’s friends and pastimes with a critical and sensitive eye, but at the same time, let them know that they can come and tell you ‘anything’ at any time. If your own perspectives are expressed too harshly, then it is doubtful that your child will ever speak about problems they encounter, until it is too late.

6. Do not panic if you child is wearing colored bracelets, not all children who wear colorful jelly bracelets are sexually active. But do watch closely for any hints of spontaneously arising sophisticated behaviors not normally expected at their age.

7. Do not be a ‘friend’ to your child at the expense of neglecting your parental duties and forgetting to establish the boundaries and rules of expected behaviors in your home.

8. And finally, take many deep breathes and do not panic, you will survive parenthood; you just might not have as much hair when it is over.

F. Felicia Ferrara, Ph.D.
Psychology Services
The Consultation and Evaluation Center
813-259-0303
www.CECconsultants.com
2004 © Ferrara

Sexuality Resources for Parents

For further help in gaining insight about sexuality and your child, various associations offer articles or brochures that may help parents find the proper approach.

American Psychological Association www.APA.org

American Medical Association www.AMA-assn.org

Sexual Information and Education Council of the U.S. www.Siecus.org

Others:
www.familiesaretalking.org/parents.html
www.dhs.state.or.us/publichealth/ah/index.cfm