Nov. 20, 2006

Sometimes the bookshelves hold together in ways no one guessed and if you’ve thrown your own party, you’ll be able to smile about that extra bolt. As inefficient as it can be, reinventing the wheel can be a lot of fun.Sometimes too much is at stake to ignore the experts. When my newborn cried uncontrollably the first week home from the hospital, half out of our minds from the electrifying nerve stealing shrieks we looked for immediate answers. We learned by taking the advice of our pediatrician who suggested changing his formula, that he was lactose intolerant and a switch to soy-based restored peace to our home. In the last five years we’ve faced down a few such soul shattering moments – and we dealt with them as if we were looking down the barrel of a double-action semiautomatic Walther PPK.

Experts are for emergencies only. They can steal your opportunities to learn with prosaic advice that goes on and on and on until you are convinced to buy the book. This was the attitude with which I met a rising star in the child expert field, Dr.Harvey Karp, author of The Happiest Baby and The Happiest Toddler. A visit to his website suggests that the industry surrounding his ideas is growing rapidly (www.thehappiestbaby.com).

Dr. Karp and I met for coffee prior to his lecture scheduled during a conference for members of the American Academy of Family Physicians. Clearly passionate about his mission to help parents, even more importantly to reduce the incidence of shaken baby syndrome, he quickly directed the conversation to the five s’s – swaddling, side holding, shushing, swinging and sucking - his guaranteed formula for turning on the calming reflexes of babies.

Karp said that crying babies contribute to postpartum depression, marital stress and childhood obesity. He insisted that when parents become informed about the special needs of the fourth trimester – as he refers to the first 3 months after birth – they will be much better equipped to navigate this stressful time. His well honed communication style reminded me of another friend of children – the beloved Mr. Rogers.

He followed his riff on how to calm babies with material relating to toddlers. I had heard that he advocated mimicking the behavior of children who were having temper tantrums as a way of dealing with the tantrums. Once explained, it seemed to me that what he was advocating was a communication technique more than a controversial theory. He shared his tips for teaching children patience. I have to admit I tried them the next day – and they worked!

By the end of our visit, I felt that the doctor was genuinely committed to his stated mission – to help parents. His points were well made and of substance. Teaching parents how to calm their babies and how to communicate with their toddlers using easy to follow instructions seemed helpful to the experience of parenting instead of reductive.

After viewing his DVD, The Happiest Baby, I found myself wishing I had known about the five s’s when my five year old was an infant. Some of the products being sold on his website strike me as a bit unnecessary though, like the white noise CD and the swaddling blanket – but hey, after all, I couldn’t help liking the guy. So maybe my objection to instruction manuals is a little too general. If you’ve got a baby of your own you may want to refer to Dr. Karp before the next crisis. He has many workable ideas that support the experience of parenting instead of making it less interesting.

Ultimately you have to decide what fits your unique situation. But sometimes the experts can point you in the right direction.